S01E10 - Feeling Down During the Holidays?

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Hello and welcome back to Carry On with Criselda, the podcast that encourages and provides suggestions on balancing our thoughts and emotions while we carry on with our day to day.  I am your host, Criselda.  Be sure to stay tuned to the end for a special, lighthearted message.

Being that it’s the holiday season, a time for family get-togethers, decorating, holiday parties, baking, it’s also a time when some people get depressed, down, or lonely this time of year due to mourning the loss of a loved one, coping with a divorce, separation or breakup or being held back by your job preventing you to travel to be with family.  Loneliness and/or depression sets in and what should be a time of celebration and joy instead turns into a season of sadness that becomes difficult to bear.

Imagine, going for a full month, give or take, in sadness and loneliness.  Everywhere you turn, TV, the internet, every store, there is a constant reminder of what they are missing or what they can’t have.

However, in order to combat the struggle of getting through the days, counting down to when it can all be over, it’s beneficial to your emotional and mental well-being to make a concerted effort to get involved in some way that takes the focus off of your lonely status and enables you to not just get through it but thrive in it.  And by thrive, I don’t mean you’re all of a sudden overjoyed with happiness and excitement over the holidays.  Getting out of depression or the feeling of loneliness does not happen like the flip of a switch.  Rather, it’s more like a dimming switch.  A dial that you slowly turn up until you are at a place where you’re doing just fine.  And in my book, that is thriving.  But it does take effort on your part.  And that is what I’m going to encourage you toward today.

If any of this describes you or someone you know, I would kindly urge you to make the attempt to keep your spirits up during this time by taking action to things that will give you that focus, rather than remaining in a position of self-pity.  

Now just to be clear, there may be some who don’t want to participate in the holidays, or they want to limit themselves.  They are perfectly satisfied to bow out of any celebratory obligations, and they are just fine with their choice to be in solitude.  My take on the matter is that it is different from loneliness.  Solitude is being alone by choice whereas, loneliness is being alone, but not by choice.  But that’s just my opinion. Today’s topic is touching on those who do want to participate in the camaraderie and festivities that the holidays entail.

Also, here in the United States and within my family, we celebrate Christmas.  Because not everyone celebrates the same holiday this time of year, I will mainly refer to the word, “holiday”.

Recently, about a week before we celebrated Thanksgiving, I was driving on the highway and opposite me, I saw a funeral procession pass by.  My first thought was how very sad for that family to spend their first Thanksgiving without their loved one.  Then, immediately after, will be a whole month leading up to Christmas.  How difficult that will be for them.  It doesn’t really matter when you lose someone.  The holidays are always a difficult time to face, knowing you won’t be able to have that person’s physical presence to experience it with.

Which is why I think it’s extremely important to surround yourself with family or friends to lean on during this time.  Sometimes it’s okay to be alone to mourn and process your thoughts and emotions.  But for your emotional health, you will also need whatever support you can get from loved ones.

So, for this holiday season and all future ones, I think it would be fitting to celebrate in a way that honors your deceased loved one, changing the mindset to see it as a time for contemplation, remembrance and joy.  It’s not just a celebration of the season but a celebration of their memory.  Get the whole family involved by doing what your passed loved one liked to do around the holidays.  

Did they have a favorite food or dessert?  Go out together as a group to the best restaurant or cafe and order that very thing.  Then everyone can reminisce on all the good memories that they loved the most.  It would even be good for the heart to bring up any funny stories about them.  Did they love baking the most during this time?  Host a baking night for everyone to share over coffee, tea or hot chocolate.  If walking through the town square to look at lights was their thing, organize an outing where everyone can do said thing.  It all contributes toward healing and getting through it together, which will in turn, help get through the depression and loneliness.  And I know it’s not easy.  It may not take the sadness away completely but fostering relationships with family and friends does help to get through it.

Another idea could be to throw a holiday party for the loved one.  Play their favorite songs or karaoke their favorite songs.  Ask everyone to bring old pictures of them for everyone to share.  Or they could bring an item that belonged to the decedent and do a kind of show and tell.  It’s a way to keep their memory alive during the season.  They are gone but not forgotten, living on in the hearts and minds of everyone who loved and cared about them.

Are you creative in any way?  There are a number of crafts you could make or projects you could work on in honor of them.  A musician could write a song for them.  If you knit, you could knit a scarf in their favorite color for you to wear.  Are you an artist?  Perhaps draw or paint a picture of them or their favorite scene or subject.  A writer could pen a short story about them and share with family and friends.  Let the objective be to celebrate them and take comfort in the idea of them smiling upon your thoughtful intention to include them in whatever festivities you participate in.

Now on to anyone who feels lonely due to not having a significant other or special someone to share the season with.  That alone brings many people down to where it sort of paralyzes them, having no desire to involve themselves in any activities.  But that is precisely the time to make the effort to join in social gatherings.  Some people are stuck in the cycle of only working and going home, without taking breaks in between for fun, relaxation and socialization.  So, any parties or gatherings that you’re invited to, I think you should totally attend.  And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone who will later become a love interest.  Or at the very least, a new friend.  

If you’ve had a divorce, separation or breakup that is still too recent to even consider a special someone, then being around your favorite people is probably exactly what you need.  It is my opinion that you get extra doses of family or friend time, going out for a movie, dinner, or any other holiday inspired activity.  

But whatever you do, don’t stay at home by yourself, feeling sorry for yourself while watching Hallmark holiday movies.  I don’t know how far these showings span across the continents, but if you are unfamiliar, they are basically holiday inspired soap operas, only they are movies which, in my opinion, unrealistically portray the ideal perfect romantic partner who you meet on day one and fall in love with on day three, then get married and live happily ever after.  Truly, I don’t know how the plots go.  I refuse to find out for myself.  I’m just saying, if you are in a vulnerable state of feeling lonely; heck, even if you have a significant other, there is nothing worse than taking cues from a fabricated, far-fetched story on the realities of love.  Then, when the significant other doesn’t woo them as a Hallmark love interest would or doesn’t read their mind, they become disappointed in the relationship, placing an unnecessary strain.  Or it further deepens (reinforces) the self-pity of the lonely person because they had a Hallmark expectation for meeting someone already which hasn’t happened.  You know, I read one time on social media, some people actually citing learning love from watching movies, not recognizing that everything is fabricated, EVERYTHING.  It is also my opinion that a huge part of being balanced is knowing the difference.  However, if you love watching these movies, I promise you, I don’t judge at all.  I have opinions on said movies but if that’s what you like, by all means, you do you.  What makes humanity interesting is our differences.  My point is to know yourself.  If you think watching certain things will only bring you down, then steer clear.  If you don’t have a problem in that department, then all is well.

So, what about if you are just unable to travel to be with your family or friends and now you feel down and let down about being alone for the holidays?  Then how about arranging a Zoom party?  Believe it or not, there are many reasons why I sometimes don’t like technology, but I have to say, this would be a definite exception.  Set a date and send out invitations to your favorite people to get on Zoom or Discord and watch a movie together. 

You can also look up meetups online for your area.  If you type in, “meetup for (blank)” in your area, you can fill in the blank for anything you are interested in such as a cooking class, hiking group, book club, the sky’s the limit.

And if you are adventurous enough, take yourself out on a date.  Go for a drive.  Enjoy all the sights and sounds.  Revel in your own company.  Treat yourself to your favorite coffee place for coffee and dessert.  Read your favorite book or a new one you’ve been wanting to read for quite some time.  Indulge in your favorite hobby, however you like to spend your alone time.  As long as it’s doing things that will make you feel cozy or lifted, not down, sad and lonely.  Realize that although company is nice to have, the enjoyment of your own company is just as, if not, more important to have.  You are solely responsible for your own happiness.  I mentioned once before, you are the only person you will live with for the rest of your life.  From my viewpoint, you should prioritize loving yourself and enjoy being with you.

A few more suggestions and then I’ll get out of your hair, wait…. your ears.  Consider volunteering at a homeless shelter, an animal shelter, a soup kitchen, a church, a nursing home, hospital, or any other local organization, which will do two obvious things.  First, it will take your mind off of your circumstances and secondly, it will benefit someone who is less fortunate.  And bonus, you’ll come out of it feeling really good about helping someone else in need during this holiday season.

If you are unable to schedule a time to volunteer, then simply practicing random acts of kindness could go a long way for some unsuspecting person.  Whether it’s a simple compliment or offering to pay for someone’s coffee.  You truly never know what someone may be secretly going through.  Maybe they lost someone, or they lost their job.  If it’s the latter, then what are they doing indulging in a cup of coffee at a coffee shop?  I know.  But you get the idea.  Be creative in how you could help someone who may be having a rough time.

And of course, there is the good ‘ole gratitude journal.  A gratitude journal requires that you examine your life and recognize all the good things you have in your life, all the wonderful people in your life, all the very basic things even, like running water, food, clothes, shelter.  Not everybody has those basic things as readily as most.  Exercising gratitude is always good for putting things in perspective.

All in all, I’d like to mention that I am truly just a person, like you.  You will find on my website, carryonwithcriselda.com, that I am not a psychologist, not a best-selling author nor award winning anything.  I’m here to offer suggestions.  Take what you like and dump out the rest.  But really, my true heart intention is to give encouragement to anyone who needs it.  I’m offering the kind of friendly advice that my past self would have loved to have.

But if there’s only one thing to take away from all that has been said, which sums up all these suggestions, is to take action of some kind, which will keep your brain moving forward, instead of allowing loneliness and depression to keep you in a rut.  Lean on those who love you to thrive through it, whether it’s family, friends, or yourself.

Thank you for being here with me today.  The next episode will be released on Tuesday.  Until next time, carry on.

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This week in the US, most of us will be celebrating Christmas or some other winter holiday.

Whatever holiday you celebrate on whichever date you celebrate, here at Carry On with Criselda, we want to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, [German] Fröhliche Weihnachten, [French] Joyeux Noël, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Three Kings’ Day, Happy Kwanzaa, [Japanese] Merii Kurisumasu, [Italian] Buon Natale, [Hawaiian] Mele Kelikimaka, [Portuguese] Feliz Natal, y [Spanish] Felix Navidad.  Let me know in the comments where you are listening from and what holiday you celebrate.  Also, how do you celebrate?  What kinds of foods are most common this time of year?  I want to know it all!  I welcome you to comment on my website, carryonwithcriselda.com.  The link is in the description.  After clicking on episode 10, you will find a place where you can leave a comment.

Now I normally spend the end of the podcast asking for you to follow, etc., etc.  Forget about that now because I know you were just itching to hear it.  I just want to wish everyone a safe and happy holiday filled with love, peace, gratitude, and balance.  I will be thinking about you and will look forward to having you back for the next episode.

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