S01E13 - Setting Boundaries

[Theme Music]

Hello and welcome back to Carry On with Criselda.  I am Criselda.  As always, I am so grateful that you have stopped by to join us today.  Be sure to stay till the end for another special, lighthearted message.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.  This is something that I am usually always aware of.  Usually.  It resides perpetually in the back of my mind.  I don’t remember how I became so cognizant of boundaries.  I do have memories that helped sear my intention of not doing that to anyone.

One of them being when I used to work at a corporate job.  It was a Fortune 500 company.  Sometimes when I would go to the ladies' room, (don’t worry, I won’t give TMI), we’re talking about a room with about eight stalls, every once in a while, it would be empty, and I would go to the very last stall furthest from the entrance.  As I’m there minding my own business, another lady would enter the restroom and lo and behold, she would walk all the way to the stall right next to me.  Yeah, that might just be a pet peeve, but I also see it as crossing my boundary.  I mean, my goodness, can someone have the good sense to give someone their space?  Especially when all other stalls were up for grabs?  But no.  They chose, in an empty restroom, other than the stall I was occupying at the very end, that they would go all the way to the one right next to me.  I always wondered what drives a person to do that.  Just not being aware and courteous to others?  And it was not only once that this happened.  In the span of my life, I have encountered this more times than I care to remember.  I figure, if they don’t have the common courtesy or awareness to allow someone their space, what are the odds they cross other people's boundaries in other areas on a regular basis?

Anyway, that stuck with me, and it has reinforced an awareness in me to ensure that I don’t cross anyone’s boundaries or space in any way.  Some people are more aware of that than others.  And of course, I’m not just talking about physical boundaries.  But boundaries that carry over to how you behave or speak to others, knowing what you can and can’t say to others.  Or should and shouldn’t say.  It all goes toward the golden rule of treating others as you would want to be treated.

But sometimes we need to set a gentle reminder to others, those who are not as cognizant of the boundaries that we have placed.  Of course, it helps to know yourself in that manner by deciding what you will and will not tolerate.  For example, if you encounter someone who tends to take advantage of your good graces and never reciprocates favors, it would help to recognize that in order to communicate a firm no.

It’s okay to say no to someone if you truly don’t want to do something that they are expecting of you.  Not only that, it’s okay to say no and not feel obligated to give an explanation if you don’t really want to.  Not only that, it’s okay to not give an explanation and not feel guilty about it afterwards.  

I used to feel guilty about that type of thing that would last for a ridiculously long time to where it would interfere with my day.  It’s a lot easier, of course, when the person is understanding.  But when they’re not, you shouldn’t allow them to affect a decision you made for yourself.  Especially when you are already known as someone who can be counted on.  Saying no for a change to take care of yourself or something else first shouldn’t be used by the other person to guilt trip you.  That is manipulation and a big N-O in my book.

As aforementioned, spend some time getting to know yourself, recognize your self-worth in what you will and will not accept, tolerate and allow.  This may sound all too obvious to some but may be a good reminder to others or something that really hasn’t even been considered to others yet.  It’s like doing a “me” check and asking yourself questions about what you like and don’t like such as: “Is it okay for that person to try to influence me in a certain way?”, “Am I okay with the occasional office prank of putting my stapler in jello?”.

If it helps, keep a journal and list out things you are okay and not okay with.  I think this helps because sometimes when we are in situations or conversation with others, things happen fast, people say things and may cross a boundary putting you on the spot.  However, if you take the time to decide what you will and will not allow and jot them down along with an action plan of what you will do or say to respond, then the next time a similar situation happens, you can communicate that confidently without missing a beat.

I like to think about boundaries whether they are physical, emotional, or mental, as concentric circles.  I have a few trusted people in my innermost circle, others who are more acquaintances in the outer circle and strangers in the outermost circle.  And they can switch in and out of circles according to their trustworthiness or how they behave.

Just keep in mind that healthy boundaries are good to have.  They are important to keeping your mental and emotional state healthy.  And they affirm positive relationships in your life.  I feel that thinking about the kind of boundaries you want to set makes for a good start to a new year.  There is so much more that can be said about boundaries, and I’d like to revisit this down the line.  So, for today, thank you for stopping by and listening.  Until next time, carry on with boundaries.

Did you know the average time it takes to follow a podcast is about the same amount of time it takes to get Rick rolled?  Numerous podcasts are forced to survive on a daily basis on what little followers they can scrounge up.  Carry On with Criselda is no different.  Your support can make all the difference in this podcast's life.  Hitting that button only once is all it takes, and you can ensure the continuation of content that will provide value to kind-hearted people like yourself.  Consider contributing by hitting the follow button to Carry On with Criselda and enrich the life of this podcast and yours too.  Then you can brag to all your friends how you are better than they are because you care more than they do because you followed and made a difference.  Thank you.

[Theme Music]