S01E08 - A Look into Introverts

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Hello and welcome back to Carry On with Criselda.  As always, I am so grateful that you have stopped by to join us today.  Be sure to stay till the end for another lighthearted, special message.

Introverts, assemble!  And extroverts, you are welcome too.  This is going to be an episode that rings true to my heart.  This episode is not only for introverted listeners.  If you are an extrovert, perhaps you know of someone or have someone in your life who is an introverted person.  

And to get this out of the way, I’d like to make one thing clear.  One is not better than the other.  In my research, I found some discussions asserting the superiority of one versus the other.  I think the main disparity lies in the misunderstanding of one another.  Sometimes it’s hard for certain people to understand others when they themselves cannot relate.  Hopefully, as a person who identifies and relates more to introversion, I can offer some insight to those of our friends who are more on the extroverted side.  Here we go.

So as an introvert, there are things I understand.  Certain behaviors or preferences can be pointed back to introversion.  And it is only up to now, even, that I am getting validation on things that I’d struggled with personally for a large portion of my life and only for the fact that the accepted personality trait tends to lean toward extroversion.  For example, it has been perceived that if you are shy or prefer alone time over mingling with the crowd that you must either be weird or stuck up.  Or that the person doesn’t know how to socialize.  And that is not the case at all for most of us.  It is true that introverts are quieter and more reticent than our extroverted counterparts, however they can and do enjoy interaction with others just as extroverts can appreciate some alone time.

So, are you an introvert?  How do you know?  Let’s answer these 9 questions together.  But before I do, one thing to note is that not everyone is fully introverted or extroverted.  Some introverts have tendencies toward extroversion and vice versa.  I suppose you would be considered an ambivert.  Some people can also change from one side of the spectrum to the other.

1. Do you prefer being alone?

The thing I found when it comes to introverts and socialization and seems to be the consensus for most is that it boils down to how long they can continue to be at a social event, crowd, gathering, or get together, before they need to get back home to recharge their batteries.  Whereas an extrovert gets energized from the company of others and being in the action, an introvert, although they can be perfectly happy to be part of the crowd, will have a limit to how much they want to socialize and will begin to feel drained.  So, to put it another way, extroverts get their batteries charged through social interaction and introverts get their batteries charged through solitude.  For most introverts, if given a choice to spend a Friday night out with a group of people going to an event together with an even bigger group of people or treat themself to a night at home by ordering in and picking out a movie they’ve been wanting to see for some time and cozy up on the couch by themself, with their pet or with their immediate family, they would much rather do the latter.  Home is where these homebodies love to be. 

1. Do you prefer quality or quantity when it comes to friends?

Now again, some of these are not just introverted qualities.  They are also shared by extroverts.  I think everyone would like to know that they keep quality friendships, or they should.  When it comes to friends, introverts are happy with just one, two or a small group of friends.  For these are friends that they can find a deep meaningful relationship with as opposed to having more friends than they can count and never really relating to any or most of them on a deep level.  Introverts typically don’t like small talk.  Nothing bores the introvert more than mundane topics.  They prefer having deep intellectual discussions on a number of topics that interest them and that they find worth expending their energy on when it comes to engaging in conversation.  Which brings me to number three.

1. Do you dislike small talk?

If there is a social place the introvert has no choice to be, depending on the level of interaction they can tolerate, they may join in, or they would altogether keep to themselves.  I am the kind of introvert that doesn’t mind having conversations with others, depending on my mood and energy level.  Although most introverts dislike small talk, I understand that it’s the barrier to overcome in getting to a deeper level with another person if there is significance to be found there.  Without divulging personal details, I very recently found myself at an event where I thought it to be fitting to introduce myself to this one particular person.  I didn’t really notice up until that point if they were socializing with anyone else.  I did see that they were sitting at a table doing an adult coloring book to pass the time.  And I approached this person, introduced myself.  Asked a few questions and with every question I asked I received a seemingly cold short response.  I felt kind of awkward then, standing there so I quickly said, “Well, it was nice meeting you” or “Have a good day” or something to close out that non-conversation.  In the past, when I had more of an issue with insecurity, I would’ve mulled over it and wondered why this stranger didn’t like me.  I was perfectly nice, after all.  I mean, you have no idea how pathetically hard I would’ve taken this about 20 years ago.  And now, how good it feels to say in a ‘shruggy’ kind of way, “Yeah, I don’t think that person likes me.  Oh well.”  The next time I saw that person, same gathering, same group of people, that person was doing the same thing.  They were sitting at the same table, doing their adult coloring book.  But this time, I saw they had their earbuds on.  I also noticed that that person wasn’t talking to anyone else.  Ah-ha, an introvert who doesn’t want to socialize.  By the way, the reason that person was there in the first place was not for themself, but to bring another person to this event.  So sometimes it may be a situation where they are there out of obligation.  But at least I know now, where the boundary lies.  It’s not personal, it’s preference and I can respect that.  It could’ve gone another direction; same scenario, but maybe the person was shy.  And upon introducing myself, I had a warmer reception.  Had that been the case, then I would know, “Ok, this person just needed a little coaxing to come out of their social shell.”  It’s about reading the social cues and acting accordingly.

1. Are you a good listener?

Introverts are noted as some of the best listeners out there.  The reasons for this is:  1) They are not big talkers.  They don’t typically like the limelight.  They don’t care for any kind of attention to be placed on them.  They don’t desire it, nor do they get any self-worth out of it.  They are fine and dandy to just be.  2) They like to take things in.  Whether that’s through what they are seeing in their environment or hearing from other people.  They are getting a feel for their surroundings and whatever is going on before they make any rash decisions to speak or act.  For that reason, they don’t open up as easily to just anyone.  So, in having a conversation with an introvert, they are more intent on listening to the other person in order to understand that other person’s point of view.  In my experience, not all but most people I converse with are more extroverted than me.  They are usually the ones talking more than me.  And I don’t mind.  Sometimes I would like to chime in on something but because I take things in, by the time I’m ready to take a turn, they're moving on.  And no, that’s not a complaint at all.  Retrospectively, I actually find it kind of comedic.  You know, when you’re trying to get a word in and it sounds like, “Yeah, I know what you–”, “Right, but–”, “Uh-huh”, “Uh-huh”, “But, I–”, “Yeah–”, “Ok”.  End of conversation.  But you know, I figure they probably need a listening ear more than I do.  And in my case, it’s fine because I have also had the pleasure of talking with people who are as intent on listening as they are in speaking so it balances itself out.

1. Are you an observer?

This one is kind of funny, because although introverts are observers, they themselves don’t like to be observed and I’m one of them.  Rather, I’m just a private person by nature.  I always have been.  Maybe that’s the case for other introverts.  Let me know.  But that’s why we’re doing this.  But as far as them being observers, this goes back to what I was saying about them being good listeners.  They prefer to study their environment.  They use all their senses where they can in order to learn.  Not that we’re robots but it kind of reminds me of movies where you see from a robot’s point of view, entering a room and scanning an environment in order to process and inform it on how to proceed.  Introverts are merely intentional. 

1. Do you think on things?

Introverts are reflective.  They are not afraid to dig deep in order to learn about others or themselves.  This is one of the reasons they are known to be spiritual, intuitive, philosophical and/or creative.  This, by the way, I know to be the case for some extroverts as well.  However, you will find these things to be the case with most introverts.  They love being introspective.  They love to contemplate on life.  They also like to see the whole picture before they do anything.  They are not necessarily quick decision makers because they like to see what choices they have and carefully weigh their options before pulling the trigger on anything.  They don’t mind sleeping on a decision.  They are willing to take a step back and observe everything as a whole before proceeding in a decision to ensure they will get the greatest return.

1. Do you prefer working alone?

This shouldn’t come as a surprise.  If given the choice to work alone or with a group of people, introverts will usually prefer to work alone.  It’s not that they are not capable of working well with people.  It’s that they can produce their best, most concentrated effort if they can focus without any distractions.  Whereas extroverts may work better amongst the camaraderie in brainstorming as a team, introverts cannot hear themselves think where there is a lot going on.  Or they would find themselves tuning out everyone else in order to concentrate.

On to number eight.

1. Are you a fan of surprises?

Because introverts like to think things through, it is not ideal for someone to drop by without prior notice.  Or even if it’s someone else in the same household who wants to have the introvert join them in doing something, especially if they are deeply enthralled or involved in something of their own and it’s going to take more than five minutes, better set an appointment with them.  It doesn't have to be anything official but just a 10, 15, 20 minute heads up will allow them the space they’ll need to adjust their minds to switch over to something else.  But introvert, extrovert, I think it’s just a nice gesture to allow them the time for preparation.  I usually appreciate a heads up if someone is planning on dropping by because it’s an -- “Oh crap, I gotta straighten up” -- signal to me.  Let me know in the comments what you think.  Do you mind getting unexpected visitors or calls?

Ok, and now the ninth one.

1. Do you love silence?

Introverts thrive in calm places.  They love being in a place of quiet where they can breathe easy, reflect, take in the day whether that’s finding a quiet spot in the house where they can be alone with their book or music or whatever they like to do or going out in nature, feeling the cool breeze on their face while they hear the symphony of birds chirping, the smell of fresh flowers and feel the crunch of dried leaves under their feet with their every step.  You would not find them seeking a busy city or crowded environment as this would only cause overwhelm.  It would not create the peace that they crave.

So, what’s with the differences?  Why are some people introverted and others extroverted?  Well, unfortunately it is not truly known what makes these differences although some research has pointed toward genetics.  It is also evidenced that environment and childhood could play a role.

Another difference is in the brain involving dopamine.  Dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter or chemical messenger, has many roles, one being the reward center for pleasure and motivation.  In a nutshell, introverts’ sensitivity level to dopamine is much higher than that of extroverts’.  Hence, an introvert will require less action, less activity and less stimulation than an extrovert.  

I think learning about the differences in the brain makes a lot of sense to me.  Which is why as I mentioned earlier that one is not better than the other.  It’s just different, that’s all.  So, if you are more introverted, embrace yourself.  And if you are more extroverted, embrace yourself. 

Now it’s your turn.  Tell me what you think.  How did you do on these questions?  What are some other traits that make an introvert?  Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Which trait or traits do you relate to the most?  Let me know in the comments, I would love to read about them.  

Thank you for spending your time here with us today.  Until next time, carry on in whatever ‘verted’ fashion you prefer.

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Living your day-to-day life without being understood for your values, your passions, your desire to be the best version of yourself is hard to endure on your own.  It’s the pain of not finding anyone relatable to the struggles you suffer.  Until now.  Time to “Carry On with Criselda'', the podcast that asks, “Have you carried on today?”.  Nine times out of ten, listeners who follow, comment and share this podcast will get the spiritual hug they came for and breathe out a sigh of ease as they continue their day in confidence and assurance.  It’s the feeling they get when others look at them and ask, “What’s got you in such a good mood?”, and they say, “I’ve got my dose of “Carry On with Criselda”.”  Check with your inner self if “Carry On with Criselda” is right for you.  Isn’t it time you got your spiritual hug today?  “Carry On with Criselda” may cause side effects of encouragement, validation, inspiration, insight, motivation, bed wetting and occasional diarrhea.  Um, forget about the last two.

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