S01E06 - What Is Your Big Why?

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Hello and welcome back to Carry On with Criselda.  As always, I am so grateful that you have stopped by to join us today.  Be sure to stay till the end for another lighthearted, special message.

Alright, let’s get right to it.  How’s your life going today, right now?  Copacetic?   Sensational?  Remember, we are here to become a better version of ourselves.  That is one of the goals of this podcast.  And we’re cutting to the chase and getting to the meat of things.  First, I’d like you to think about a goal you’d like to achieve.  Maybe you want to learn how to play an instrument.  Maybe you are learning to be a better spouse or partner.  Or maybe you are trying to start your own business.  Could you say at the end of every day, when you are ready to shut your devices down, have your evening tea, or whatever you do to get ready for bed, that you have accomplished exactly what you set out to do and you are one step closer to achieving your big goal?  Now don’t be hard on yourself.  I know that some days, life gets in the way, and you just have to slough off that day and try again the next day.  What I am asking here is, aside from those days where it didn’t work out, are you continuously getting right back in the flow of what you set out to do or have you allowed life to get in the way, or you let a failure cause that goal to slowly slip to the back seat?  Whereas maybe it was one day that you didn’t get any closer to your goal, then two days, then a week, then a month.  Then before you know it, you feel disappointed about all those days that have passed and you’re beating yourself up thinking about how much further along you’d be if you were diligently doing something during all those days.  And maybe the reason you let that goal slip really wasn’t in your control.  Again, life happens.  Or maybe it was in your control, and you decided to let laziness get the last word.  Or unmotivation.  Complacency.  Those annoying limiting beliefs again.

Allow me to introduce you to, “Your Big Why”.  Not everybody has a goal.  They don’t have time, or they are just trying to get through every day.  I’ve definitely been in that trap.  Then there are others who don’t want to work toward a big goal.  They are happy as a clam in their shell.  If you are listening, I really hope that you have a goal that you’ve been thinking about or are currently trying to pursue.  I don’t know if I’m the only one here, but I used to be one of those happy clams.  Just living day in and day out.  And I was prepared to keep trucking along in whatever my current condition was.  As long as all my needs were met, and they were.  I had food, water, clothes, a roof over my head, the internet.  What else could I need?  But now that I’m in my 40s, I don’t know, I’m looking back on my 20s and 30s and asking myself, “Could I do better?”.  Am I willing to spend the rest of my life in default mode where I am living life as it comes?  Or would I rather take the reins of my life, look for a new path and steer it toward a hill or a mountain?  That will mean I’ll have to learn some new things I’ve never done before; I’ll be out of my comfort zone; I’ll have to battle with those pesky limiting beliefs.  But in the end after making it up that hill or mountain, I will feel so incredibly exhilarated.  Yeah, I think I’ll choose the latter.  I mean, I already spent my 20s and 30s with nothing to show for it.  What else am I going to do with the time that I have?  

Now, just so you know, I’m not mentioning everything.  I don’t mean to disparage myself.  I do have a few things I can be extremely proud of accomplishing.  But for this topic, I am talking about aiming high in reaching a goal or goals that further fulfills my purpose.  And my point is, if you are currently in your 20s or 30s, please don’t wait.  Or don’t wait longer than you should.  Especially when you are in your 20s, it feels like you’ve got all the time in the world.  And in a way you do.  Until you don’t.  Sometimes I’ll stop and think about the fact that I’m in my 40s now and it feels weird to me, like, “What?  I should still be in my 20s.”  Or 30s.  I’m not putting the 40s down.  Not at all.  I actually embrace where I'm at.  It's just, in the scope of my whole life up to this point, what have I been doing all this time?  Again, my point is, don’t let life pass you by without going big for something in your life worth pursuing.

And that brings me to 'your big why'.  Gosh, sometimes I just have so much to say, it takes me a while to get to the point.  Thank you again for being here.

The only way to keep your eyes on the prize is to have a reason why you want to accomplish your goal in the first place.  It is not enough to just dream up a goal and hope for the best.  ‘Your big why’ has to be bigger than the goal.  And I don’t mean by a smidge.  I mean by a lot.  Why?  Because you will at some point run into obstacles and roadblocks.  We all know it happens.  Some of them are minor, not a big deal, just pick yourself up and dust it off.  But other times, it’s a disappointing setback that will make you feel defeated, unworthy, a waste of time, confirmation of whatever limiting belief that you are struggling with.  And it’s in those times that you lean back on ‘your big why’ to get you back up and at it again.  

Just yesterday in fact (although after recording this it will be days later that you hear this), I dealt with a failure.  Something I was striving toward; I was trying to find a way to accomplish ‘a thing’.  I was doing everything I knew to do but I was let down.  In that moment of receiving the news, I kind of froze in my disappointment and held my composure long enough to make sure that I didn’t react in a way that would disappoint me even further.  After a couple of minutes, the sadness wanted to creep in.  I needed to figure out how I was going to carry on from there.  And I was going over what I missed.  Again, I did everything I knew to do.  And I was stuck wondering if this was even meant for me at all.  Had I wasted my time up to that point?  But it’s one of the goals that I had.  At that moment, I felt like dropping it and forgetting all about it.  But I’m telling you, if it wasn’t for my ‘big why’, I probably would have dropped it.  In this case, my ‘big why’ is both bigger than the goal and bigger than me.  Within a couple of hours of walking away from the thought for a while, then pondering it again, I reassessed and reminded myself why I wanted to accomplish this goal in the first place.  Some things I can strategically plan out but sometimes I just have to allow the universe to give me what I need when I need it.  Because of my ‘big why’ I decided to pivot my strategy and allow the rest to happen on its own.  I would still pursue what I’m after, only it’s now going to take me on a detour to get me there and that’s ok.  

The next thing that I asked myself was, “Ok, what could I learn from this?  And how could I grow from it?”.  There was a quote I read recently but now I don’t remember how it goes.  It was something along the lines of knowing that your failures are not in vain.  How persevering is that?  And that was my intent.  I did not like the way the disappointment felt.  I did not like how I was starting to feel sad.  So, I fought through it, by giving myself a pep talk.  Telling myself that I don’t want to wallow long in my grief.  I was already looking for replacement emotions to trade out with the bad ones I was feeling.  Remember the affirmations list I talked about in the episode, “Drop the Lies”?  It’s the second episode.  You should check it out after this if you haven’t already.  I did the recalibration technique along with the breathing, which I also explained in that episode.  Having these tools, along with my ‘big why’, helped prepare me so that emotionally and mentally, I could pick myself back up so that I would not stay down for long.  With practice and making this a habit, it comes in really handy.  I don’t even know how long ago it’s been but several years ago, without having these tools ready to use, I could’ve wallowed in self-pity for days on end.

Let me ask you something.  Do you currently have band-aids in your home?  Or first-aid ointment for cuts and scrapes?  How about over the counter medication or remedies for when you get ill?  Why? Are you expecting to cut yourself today or get sick?  No, not necessarily.  But you have them just in case, right?  Well, just as you take care of your physical self and have items at the ready for when you do need it, wouldn’t it be just as important to take care of our mental and emotional states too by being prepared with tools that can help you when you need it?  You should love and invest in yourself enough to prepare for the emotional "owies", not just the physical ones.

So, getting back to the examples I mentioned earlier and ‘your big why’:  If you want to learn an instrument, maybe your big why would be that you want to someday join or start a band because you’ve decided that nothing would make you happier than to live the rest of your life enveloped in an atmosphere of writing, creating and playing music because music is your life.  Nothing lights you up the way music does, and you have a burning desire to get real good at learning your instrument because you have an equal passion to share your love with the world.  You’re practically bursting at the seams just thinking about it.  That is a ‘big why’.

If you are learning to be a better spouse or partner, maybe you don’t want to be a repeat of what you went through as a child because you have children together and you want nothing more than to fight to keep your family unit together because you are still in love with your partner just as you know they are still in love with you and when you look back on your history together, all the things you share, all the fond memories, all the positive things about them that made you fall in love with them in the first place, you get a sense of renewed hope.  And you realize that a few setbacks are not reason enough to throw in the towel.  And when you look into the eyes of your precious children that you share, your heart melts, reaffirming your resolve to be the best version you can be for yourself, your partner and your children.  That’s a ‘big why’.

If you are the person who wants to start your own business, maybe you already know that there are two kinds of people.  Those who work for their dreams and those who work for someone else’s dreams, and you are determined that you are not going to be the latter.  For now, you are in a job, working for someone else’s dreams because you still gotta pay the bills.  But you are intently studying, leveling up your skills, and working toward being your own boss until you can finally fire your 9-to-5 and live your life on your terms.  That is a ‘big why’.

These of course are just examples of what a ‘big why’ looks like for your reason in achieving whatever goal you have set forth for yourself.  It must be bigger than your goal.  It must be bigger than you.  Think of it as your anchor to grab onto when you get setbacks.  It is worth preparing for.  Now, should you just think about what your big why is going to be?  No.  It would benefit you greatly to write it down.  Writing it down (or typing it), makes a better brain connection to what your mind thinks about.  Title it, “My Big Why”, and write out a thoughtful paragraph.  It can be small, about two or three sentences, but if you can make it longer, be as descriptive as you can.  If it’s for your children, don’t just say, “for my children”.  State what the outcome will be after your goal is accomplished.  “I’m doing this for the children because I want them to continue in the security, happiness and well-being of having both their parents in the same household.  And I want to demonstrate and model that not all relationships are perfect but when both parties are willing, it can be worked out.”  Again, this is just an example I’m using on how to write out your ‘big why’.  If you happen to be experiencing the opposite situation where it’s better for you to get out, then write out your ‘big why’ accordingly.  

Remember, we are each on our own journey.  Do what works for you.  But do understand the point I’m trying to make and that is to write it out, perhaps keep it close to your affirmations list, assuming you’ve written that out, so you will have it to reflect on a daily basis and especially on those days when you get let down with a setback and you feel like giving up.  Look back on your ‘big why’ to get you up on your feet and back into the game.  And that’s how you carry on with your ‘big why’.  

Thank you for tuning in.  Just a reminder, you can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.  Please leave us a comment if you feel so inclined.  Are these episodes helping you in any way?  If so, how?  We’d love to get your feedback.  Share this with a friend if you think they would benefit.  Until next time, carry on.  

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Hey there listeners.  As you know, here in the US, it’s Thanksgiving, a time to reflect on all the blessings we have and be in gratitude.  You know what I’m grateful for?  You, my listeners.  I’m also grateful for someone else.  

This is Henry.  Say hi, Henry.  

[gobble gobble]  

He’s my pet turkey.  I’ve had Henry since he was just a hatchling.  Now he’s my big boy.  Isn’t that right Henry?

[gobble gobble]

We sit on the couch together.  I give him baths.  I play frisbee with him.  He’s my pal.  I’m so thankful for him.  Which reminds me, I would be so thankful if you follow, comment and share this podcast with others.  

(sigh) You know, somehow, it’s not enough.  If you don’t follow, comment or share this podcast — I’m gonna eat Henry for my Thanksgiving meal! You wouldn’t want to see that, would you?!

[gobble gobble]

What?  No, Henry.  Of course I’m not going to eat you.  I’m just trying to spur them on to take action.  Work with me here.

[gobble gobble gobble gobble]

No, no I – I know – I know.  Ok, ok.  Bad move on my part.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry Henry.  Henry!

Look, you’re still my pal.  Let me make it up to you, ok?  Alright, I’m sorry.  Let’s go have an insect smoothie, huh?

[gobble gobble]

Ok.

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